Mother's Day

Mother's Day, for the last 7 years, has been a difficult day for me. I was with both of them as they passed away & lucky enough to hold their hands as they took their last breath. Now that I have children, I feel a bit less melancholy - but the sadness it still there. Mother's Day doesn't hold the same meaning to me without my mother and grandmother around. I envy those that still have mothers to share the day with and want to slap those that don't appreciate that fact. Being an only child, it is as though my protector - my feeling of safety is gone. Vulnerability has, with time, turned into strength. The days of having them to call and tell silly life tidbits to are long gone & it can be very lonely. Wanting to share something that my boys did with her can turn my day around. To this day, I still have moments when I go to call her on the phone. To say "Mom" is so foreign to me. Their absence has made me what I am today. I know that I have to be to my boys - what my mother and grandmother were to me.

My mother would always tell me ahead of time what her gift request for Mother's Day was. By "ahead of time", I mean that she could tell me in October, December or February what she wanted. We would be at a Pampered Chef party in January & she would tell me, "Tracey, if you get me this now, you don't have to get me anything for Mother's Day!". Just like a little kid. A few months before she passed away, we made an agreement that we would meet once a month for dinner - just her and me. Unfortunately, we only had the chance to do it once.

I know how blessed I was to have her for those 28 years. She saw me graduate high school and college. She saw me get married. She did not see either of my children be born. The funny thing is, she never thought I was going to have any kids. I always told her I only wanted dogs - and she believed me (or at least pretended to). The death of my mother and grandmother gave me a realization that if when I passed away, there would be no one to carry on their stories and their legacy.

As my boys grow older, I notice things in the house that were meant for children. Things that my mother bought well after I had become an adult. The mini upholstered rocking chair that she bought for her doll to sit in. The Disney movies that she bought when I was in high school. It was almost as though she knew children would one day play and use them. Maybe she knew the boys were coming all along.

How sad that the situation that made me want children, is the one I missed most when they were born. The fact that my mother never met my children is beyond heartbreaking. She would have inhaled both of them. I cannot even imagine how much she would love and spoil them. It is such a loss for my boys, a loss they will never have the chance to know.

Eric knows that Grandma in Heaven watches over him, he knows she went to heaven because she was sick and God needed her. Her picture is all over the house. He knows that she is my mommy. He comes with me to the cemetery when I go to visit. He knows where my mom's plot is & where Grandma Agnes and Grandpa Leo are too. He asks, when it is time for him to go to heaven, which way he will go - at an angle, or straight up?

Last night Eric whispered in my ear, "Grandma in Heaven loves you". It made me smile, because I know she told him to say that...

Proud American

Eric showing his patriotism. It was his idea to add the flag...nice touch do't you think?

Eric turns 4

I cannot believe I've only known this child for 4 years. I feel as though I've known him most of my life. He came to me when I needed him most. After the loss of my mother and grandmother, he was such a blessing.

He is so smart & funny. There are times when I just sit and stare at him. He has so many of my traits - unfortunately. He has my lack of coordination & bossiness. He has Ryan's frustration with the littlest of details. What a combo - poor kid!

He had over a week of celebrating his big day. Grandpa Nick and Nanny bought him a cool truck the week before when they were in town. On his actual Birthday, he was allowed to pick where we would eat dinner - anywhere he wanted. He chose Old McDonald's - go figure! The next day we celebrated with Grandma, Papa, Uncle Todd, Aunt Nik & the Koerner's. More presents!

On Valentine's Day, we had a playdate at Aunt Mel's house. We celebrated Eric, Carley and Grace's Birthday's. Jenette, Marty, Patrick and Ellie drove in from Indy for the celebration. Dani and Sydney brought Gavin to his first playdate with. Julie brought Anabella, Avery & Millie for the festivities too. We took our group picture on the stairs this year because we have too many kids now to fit on the couch!

Snow!

Eric and I have a short history of enjoying playing in the snow. We take about 20 minutes to bundle ourselves up then head outside to enjoy 10 minutes of crazy snow fun! This was Noah's first year of participation. Each of the boys had a snowsuit, mittens, hat & scarf. The only problem was none of those items matched. It was as though we had a box of lost and found winter items & scourged through it.

Needless to say, we had a great time. Noah reminded us of Randy in "A Christmas Story". He couldn't stand up by himself without the aid of another. Eric and I took turns pulling Noah in the sled. It was a bit of a struggle for Eric, being that Noah is only 7 pounds less than him. The snow wasn't good for making snowballs, so we would have to wait for another time to have a fight.

Randy lay there like a slug...

Happy New Year!

We had a quiet New Year's Eve gathering at the house with my friend Nikki and my neighbor, Mary. Noah made it until 8:30, which is really late for him. Eric made it until 10pm & passed out on the floor. He was so excited about the fireworks that were going off down the street. I finally fell asleep around 3am. I am such a Rockstar!

Noah woke me up on New Year's Day at 6am. We went to a party at Eric's friend Dylan's house. Eric's other friend Zac and his family were there too. Zac & Dylan both have younger brothers the same age as Noah so there were plenty of boys to play with at their house!

Christmas

On Christmas Eve, daycare was closed and Ryan was off, so it worked out well. Daddy was home with his boys all day while Mommy was at work wrapping Christmas presents. Noah came down with a fever two days before so he was slowly recovering from some random viral thing. When I got home from work around 3, Eric had still not had a nap. I began to panic that he would go to sleep too early and wake up in the middle of the night and see me setting things up. Eric ended up falling asleep at 4:30. I told Ryan to wake him up around 6. Ryan tried to, but Eric told him he was too tired. OH NO! Oh yes. He was coming down with a fever. He went back to sleep and I sat down and had a pity party about how Christmas was going to be ruined. The house wasn't cleaned, I hadn't slept through the night in 4 days, both kids were sick - poor me! I snapped out of it, and was ashamed that I even had it. Eric woke up again around 7:30 pm and we sat in my bed and watched Christmas movies - it was really fun and memorable for me.

5:30 am came and Eric was up - burning up. We gave him some Motrin and then he realized it was Christmas morning and wanted to know if Santa really came. I had bought him a performance stage (it's a tent). It was way bigger than I had imagined it to be. It takes up half of my living room. He was thrilled to see that Santa had came because, "I was a REALLY good boy Mom". Eric got a bunch of toys, a video game, books, clothes, transformers, etc. - his favorite was the Bat Cave from Uncle Todd. Noah got about 5 things. Only 1 from us. I figured he was going to try to play with all of Eric's gifts anyway. I did give him the empty cardboard wrapping paper rolls.

Noah displays the toy's versatility

Noah and his cardboard gift

We had Grandma, Papa, Uncle Todd, Nanny and Grandpa Nick over for dinner Christmas day. Poor Eric spent a good amount of the day on the couch. Noah made up for him in the eating department (as usual!). Noah ate sauerkraut, polish sausage and ham. We got to bed early - YAY.
We both had to work the next day. Ryan left at 6am. The phone rang around 6:15, it was the daycare calling to say they were going to be closed because of weather conditions. I had no clue what she was talking about. Everything was frozen - streets, cars everything. Ryan came through the back door around 6:30. His boss told him to just go home if he was close. His boss was stuck on I-65 (and for about 5 hours after that). Cars were just spinning out on the streets. The next day brought a day full of rain. We woke up to find that the ice storm from the night before had disappeared with all of the snow!

The Saturday evening after Christmas we had the Onohan family over. It was a lot of fun. I haven't stayed up that late in awhile! We spent all of the next Sunday recovering from lack of sleep.

Grandma and Noah

Sarah, Julie and Uncle Jim

The Onohan Boys

Lily and Eric

James & Sarah feeding cake to the piggy

Cousin Andrianna and Noah looking out the window for Sadie

The sectional really came in handy

Almost Christmas!

We have had a busy December. On December 4th, the boys had their Christmas program for their daycare. Noah did his famous dance move to "Jingle Bell Rock" (bouncing up a down to the beat). Eric's class did a slow dance to "Baby, it's Cold Outside". Eric was paired up with Anna - they were very cute. He has the same slow dancing moves as his father! Eric also sang the first verse to "Let it Snow". He is a natural!

Noah with Miss Maria

Eric dancing with Anna & my big blonde head with the camcorder

Eric holding hands with his buddy Zac

Eric is very excited about Christmas but not too excited about seeing Santa. After his Christmas program, he was not interested in meeting the Big Guy at all. Noah had no problem sitting on Santa's lap! He's up for anything. The Town offered to have Santa call the kids at home. We signed up for this & Santa called and spoke with Eric. Eric hung up & sat back down to watch TV. We waited to see if he was going to divulge his conversation. Finally we asked what Santa said. Eric said, "He said to leave cookies and milk for him, but I don't like milk - let's leave orange juice for him instead." The threat of "Calling Santa" has been used quite often and is beginning to lose it's power! Hopefully we can make it to Christmas without getting on the Naughty List!

Noah has went a couple days without his pacifier. It has been rough for him, but he's doing great. Unfortunately, I have given in at night & popped it in his mouth after 40 minutes of crying. He is so funny.

3 pacifiers - we need an intervention...

He loves playing with Eric and Sadie. You can tell already how much Noah looks up to Eric. Being an only child, I find it so interesting to watch them interact. Eric's first 2 years of life had my undivided attention. Noah came into the world having a sibling. My heart just swells watching the two of them together. Eric is so caring with him. There are quite a few moments that are filled with wrestling too! The fight over toy possession has begun. Poor Eric is constantly being told to, "give it to Noah". So unfair at that age - but he takes it well. I really think they will be close.

See what I mean?

Sadie. My darling Sadie. My friend until the end. The one who was there for me at my darkest hour. She has been pushed down the ladder quite a bit. She is so wonderful with the boys. She and Eric are beginning to really play with each other. They wrestle and chase each other through the house. Noah literally squeaks when he sees her come through the back door. She sits patiently under his high chair, waiting for him to accidentally drop or hand feed her his food. She still has the "puppy brain" as I like to call it. About once a week, something is destroyed. I told Ryan that we are going to call her Marley.

Halloween

Eric was so excited. I accidentally showed him a Halloween costume catalogue in September. He became obsessed with the Optimus Prime costume. He would not stop begging for it day and night. Being the sucker that I am, I told him that we could go pick out his costume after Noah's birthday, which is at the end of September. The day after Noah's birthday arrived and Eric was ready to go. I had already bought the costume and decided to let him try it on. It was about 10 inches too long for him so I hemmed up the legs & it was a perfect fit. He began to beg me each day to wear it.

I told him the story of my infamous Mr. Magoo costume. When I was in first grade, I was in ballet. We had a recital in the summer. I had a beautiful pink ballerina costume with pink tutu that I was going to wear for Halloween. My mother warned me not to wear it so much or I would ruin it. I was so excited to wear it to school & parade through the big kids classes (4th, 5th & 6th graders). The night before Halloween I tried on the costume again. (Mind you, the costume had my measurements from 3 months prior & I was going through a growth spurt) I put on the costume & bent over. The body of the costume split from my belly button, through my legs & up to my rear. I was crushed. It was ruined! My dad was the only one who knew how to use the sewing machine and he was working midnights. My mother tried to calm me down by telling me that we could go to Ribordy's (boy am I dating myself!) and buy another costume. I began to imagine all the costumes I would find there! Barbie, Cinderella, Snow White! I was ready to go! We went to Ribordy's & headed straight for the Halloween aisle. The costumes were strewn all over the place. After digging through piles of mismatched costumes, we came to find only one costume that was anywhere near my size. It was a plastic costume that you stepped into that tied behind your neck. The mask was hard & had a 2 big eye cutouts & 2 teeny weeny nasal holes with an elastic strap that left a welt on your head. I sobbed as we drove home, mortified that I would have to wear that to school, let alone, trick or treating! To top it off, she put my hair in pigtails on top of it! I am still traumatized by that costume.

Eric was actually very careful when he wore it prior to Halloween. He wore it every night for about 10 minutes, then would tell me that he was ready to put it away. It was still in tact on Halloween - I was impressed. Noah was Eric's costume from 2 years ago - a Monkey. Both were adorable!

This was their transportation

Noah seeing Eric come back from the 1st house. All he wanted was a sucker.
Eric went trick or treating with me for about a block. He wanted to be pulled in the wagon from driveway to driveway - what a lazy bum! At the beginning of the next block he looked at me and said, "I'm done. My foot hurts. Let's go home." I was stunned! We went back home and then Daddy talked him into going around with him.
Uncle Todd & Eric in Uncle Todd's truck.

Papa taking Noah for a spin

Jailbait Monkey